Crashing Karimov’s Presidential Party

I walk into the Registan which will be closed the following day for the opening ceremony of the Central Asian version of Eurovision and don’t even realise that there’s a ticket booth, not that it matters since everyone’s so busy.

Front part of the Registan.

When all the foreigners are kicked out of the Registan for the dress rehearsal, I join one of the groups of dancers and stay for parts of the rehearsal. When I see that there’s a camera crew on the roof of the Registan, I decide that I will go there, despite the fact that the whole area was just swept by two soldiers with attack dogs.

I climb onto the roof and find a group of Chinese contractors laying cables. They don’t realise or care that I shouldn’t be up there. After I recite some of my phrases of Chinese (“Excuse me, do you have any beer?”) and tell them where I’d been in China, they become my new best friends and let me wander around the roof without asking questions.

The Registan, from the roof.

After I come down, I walk right up to the stage and watch the rehearsal from there, giving the dancers tips on how to make it magical.

Sitting on the stage watching the girls rehearse their piece.

The creative director thinks he knows better and has a few words with me to that effect. I tell him I’ve worked shows all over Europe and Australia… he says he’ll take some of my comments on board.

One of the policeman has been watching me with curiosity the whole time, I decide to put him to work.

The policeman kindly takes photos of me in the Registan, when I have no ticket and am not part of the show.

While watching the orchestra practice, someone approaches me and asks me where Misha the sound engineer has gone. I tell them he’s checking other equipment and whether or not I can help in his absence. I have no idea what it is they ask me to fix, but they thank me for fixing it anyway.

I’ve become so accustomed to acting that I’m a part of the show that I don’t even notice the police man approaching me.

Policeman: Who are you?

Me: Don’t ask such silly questions and get back to work.

Policeman: Do you work here?

Me: Of course.

Policeman: Show me your documents.

Me: They’re with my colleagues.

Policeman: Who are you working with?

Me: The Chinese.

Policeman: What Chinese?

Me: The Chinese on the roof, I’m their interpreter.

Policeman (while pointing to random Chinese person): That’s the boss of the Chinese, let’s go confirm with him that you work for them.

Me: That may be the boss of the Chinese on the ground, but the Chinese on the roof work for Chow Yun Fat.

Policeman: Wait here while I call my superiors to come speak with you.

Me: Be quick, I’ve got work to do.

He walks away to make the call, telling me to stay put. I wait until there’s distance between us and make a beeline for the exit.

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